5 love lessons we can learn from the Obamas

It doesn’t take an expert in body language to see that the first couple is totally into each other. And while I don’t claim to know a single thing about their sex life, I do believe they have one, and a healthy one at that. Actually, we don’t have to speculate too much about the Obamas’ love life because they’ve already told us a lot about it in a 1996 interview with the French newspaper Le Monde entitled “An Intimate Conversation With Michelle and Barack Obama.”

不需要专家来解读，我们就能感受到，美国第一夫人和老公是多么的恩爱。我不敢保证说自己对他们的性生活了解多少，但肯定有而且还很健康。事实上，也没有必要费心去揣测奥巴马夫妇的爱情生活到底如何。1996年，在一档名为《与奥巴马夫妇的私密对话》的栏目中，他们已经袒露心迹。当时他们是在接受法国《世界报》的专访。

Why should we care about our president’s love life?

为什么这么关注总统的爱情的生活呢？

Because with all the talk of rebuilding our country, our relationships could use some rebuilding too: Divorces are rampant, infidelity is out of control and sex ruts are epidemic. So perhaps our first couple can teach us a thing or two （or actually five） about how to have a successful marriage:

我们一直都在讨论如何重建家园，那是不是也应该把我们的关系修缮一下了呢：离婚率在攀升，偷情的在增多，春心萌动的也随处可见。如何才能拥有一份成功的婚姻，或许我们可以在“第一家庭”身上收获一二。

1. Regardless of how long you’ve been together, you still need to maintain a sense of surprise. 生活不能缺少了惊喜

Says Barack Obama, “Sometimes, when we’re lying together, I look at her and I feel dizzy with the realization that here is another distinct person from me, who has memories, origins, thoughts, feelings that are different from my own. That tension between familiarity and mystery meshes something strong between us. Even if one builds a life together based on trust, attentiveness and mutual support, I think that’s it’s important that a partner continues to surprise.”

无论你们相识多久都不能少了惊喜。奥巴马说，“有时，我们躺在床上，我看着她，我觉得有点恍惚。眼前这个人与我性格迥异。她有自己的回忆、出身、思想和感情，这一切都完全有别于我。那种心理上的紧张感似曾相识，却又无限神秘，完全切合于我俩之间某种强烈的感觉。生活的根基固然少不了信任、关爱和相互扶持。然而重要的是，要给对方连续不断的惊喜。”

 The president couldn’t have said it better. Marriages are built on a foundation of responsibility, dependability and predictability. But sexual attraction is based on spontaneity, unpredictability and, to Obama’s point, a little mystery. Reconciling those two opposite poles — familiarity and mystery — is one of the biggest challenges a couple faces, and it starts with cultivating a sense of newness and surprise.

奥巴马说得恰如其分。婚姻的基础应该具备责任心、可靠性和可预见性。但是性的吸引力却是自发的、不可预见的，对于奥巴马来说，也有些许的神秘。熟悉和神秘就像是截然不同的两极。对每对夫妇来说，要想协调好这两者都将是个极大的挑战。它始于对惊喜和新鲜感的培育。

2. Show a little tenderness.

稍稍展现你的柔情

Says the president of the first lady, “If you look deep into her eyes, there's a certain vulnerability.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely observed during their interviews together that they do make a lot of eye contact with each other, and I have no doubt he has spent much time looking deep into her eyes. Non-physical intimacy outside the bedroom is key to a loving, intimate sex life, and it’s refreshing to have a first couple who are so comfortable kissing, dancing, cuddling and holding hands.

奥巴马这样说道，“如果你留心，她的眼眸深处总会有些脆弱。”不知道你怎么看，但我确实注意到了。在他们一起接受参访的时候，他们总是不时地彼此四目相对。我也深信奥巴马一定会花不少的时间，深情地望着妻子。在卧室外面，需要没有身体接触的亲密，这是你性生活爱意绵绵的关键。看到“第一夫妇”如此恩爱地亲吻、跳舞、拥抱、牵手，真是让我们眼前一亮。

3. Opposites attract.

截然相反的更具有吸引力

Says Obama: “Michelle’s family life was different, very stable, with two parents, a stay-at-home mom, a brother, a dog, that kind of thing. They’ve lived in the same house all their lives … a part of me was wondering what a strong, reassuring family life would look like while Michelle, in a way, wanted to break from that model.” Opposites often do attract, and very often couples are drawn to each other when they indeed come from opposite backgrounds. In many ways becoming a couple is about our individual search for growth and balance.

奥巴马说，“米歇尔的家庭生活非常稳定。父母双全；母亲是全职的主妇；有一个弟弟，一条狗，就这些，这与我的区别甚大。他们一直也都没有搬过家……我不知道，怎样才算是能为遮风挡雨的强大家庭生活。而在某种程度上，米歇尔却想要摆脱这样的生活模式。”这种截然相反的东西确实吸引力强大。我们经常会发现，身边那些背景完全不同的两个人反而能结合到一起。在很大程度上，步入婚姻的殿堂是个人对成长的追求，对两全齐美的期盼。

保持朋友般的关系

Says Michelle Obama, “Our relationship was first a friendship. It took off from there.” In a long-term relationship it’s often a challenge to stay friends with your partner and to keep your friendship expanding. And in today’s world of social networking and Facebook, we’re often so busy “friending” others that we lose precious opportunities to strengthen our friendship with our spouse.

米歇尔说，“我们首先是朋友，其他的关系都源自于此。”长远看来，和另一半保持朋友关系并能进一步发展下去，这是个绝对的挑战。在现如今的世界，我们都忙于社交增加人脉，或者在“非死不可”（Facebook）网站上交朋识友。不自觉地白白浪费了和我们另一半加深的友谊宝贵机会。

5. Be a relationship role model.

 做人际关系的典范

Says the president: “What concerns me the most are children and the way they are treated.” Of course he’s talking about social issues facing families — poverty, education, absent parents — but it’s also important to remember that one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to be happy adults. And that comes down to your relationship to each other. It’s no surprise that the Obama children beam with life. They have happy parents who aren’t afraid to show their love to each other. And that love is contagious.

奥巴马说，“我最关心的是孩子，以及我们怎么对待他们。”当然他是在讨论家庭面临的社会问题--贫困、教育以及父母不在身边--但是也必须记住，我们能给孩子最大的馈赠就是做快乐的家长。这就要归结到我们的婚姻关系。我们看到奥巴马的孩子面对生活笑逐颜开。这毫不奇怪，因为他们的父母很开心，也从不羞羞答答地示爱。爱是富于感染力的。

Hopefully the rest of us will catch on.

希望我们也都能向他们看齐。

 

 

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