逸明的博客
凤凰博报 由你开始
http://blog.ifeng.com/1213812.html
发表 管理 分类 简介 头像 功能 音乐 友情链接 模板 个性域名

2009-05-03 22:59:00 编辑 删除

归档在 海外视野 | 浏览 1341 次 | 评论 4 条

 
There is a common saying that "Marriage occurs at the place where your path of love ends".

I used to laugh aloud whenever I come across people who used to say this to me. Mostly it was uttered by my friends who did love marriage rather than those who did arranged marriage. May be, people who did arranged marriage thinks they didn't get a chance to say so.

But let us give a serious and closer look to this issue. Where does the love go for this people after their marriage? Why the path which took them through the beautiful phases of love ends once when they enter the path of marriage? Why the sweet breeze and golden moon turns bored to them? Why? Why? Why? A lot of questions arise in my mind. I used to bang my head to find solutions, when my friends complain. I used to speak a lot to them. Finally, I found one thing common in all their issues. A single common root, for all the problems which was not there till marriage. Though few remains exceptional in their marriage life, this is for those who felt that their life looks ended once when they entered the marriage life.

That root is, "THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TURNING INTO EXPECTATIONS".  Yes, what you read is right. Your love which was unconditional so far now turned into a lot of expectations. When you were in love, you never used to demand anything and you used to be a GOD in human form, forgiving all mistakes of your partner. You never complain about your partner. You used to think that even a little strong breeze can hurt her/him. You spent most of your time thinking of innovative ideas to impress your love. But where these all gone when you get married? When you were in love, you used to show only the good faces you had. Yes you pretended to be good and hided rest of your faces.

Once when entered into a unique life under the bond of marriage, most people start thinking that they have each and every rights over the partner. They can act in anyway and the partner is supposed to adjust. Everything is taken for granted.

Most men, who spent their whole day in finding things to make their partner happy and tricks to get  closer to their heart, abruptly stop this once when they enter the marriage life. They start thinking like saying "My sweet heart", after marriage may show them like "Hen Pecked". For few, spending more time with wife is useless and will lead to lose of friends. They used to think, "Anyway I'm going to meet her in home, whatever time I reach there. So why to rush?" whereas when they were in love, they never minded about any friends or their big FriendSHIPS. They expect their wife to understand each and every move of them and act accordingly. The expectations keep growing like adjusting family members, accepting his bad habits, etc...

Most women, who used to keep themselves dressed well and look beautiful throughout the day during their love phase starts thinking, why these all now required. He is mine. There is no need of extras to attract him. The day they enter his life as wife, will start questioning about each and every activity of him. Most women whom I know are not ready to give the breathing space for their partner once when they enter marriage life. I don't know what they fear for. Or may be just to show their new power? She  starts expecting him to love her only and immediately give up his parents and all others. As wife, she thinks she has more rights on him, and no one should be a deciding authority except her, while talking any decisions in his matters.

In common, both sides, the expectations are higher and the ego clashes are more after marriage. When the unconditional love turns into conditional, the path of love ends and the path of stress and hatred towards life starts, which in their words "path of marriage".

If you can think "Life is more beautiful and your time to enjoy is less", then you won't waste your time in useless clashes and issues. Love is a great feeling, which will make your life meaningful, until your death. Please don't crush it under your feet, as there is nothing else in this world is worth to it.

俗话说“婚姻爱情的坟墓”。

每次人们给我说这句话的时候我都会大笑出声。大多数情况下,这样说的人都是那些经过恋爱而结婚的朋友,也许这是因为那些被包办婚姻的朋友们觉得他们没有权利这样说。

但是,现在我们来认真仔细的研究一下这个问题吧。结婚后爱情到底去了哪里?为什么人们一踏上婚姻之路那带领他们走过美好爱情的道路就结束了呢?为什么甜蜜的微风和金色的月亮突然变得乏味起来了呢?为什么……很多问题出现在我的脑海。当朋友向我抱怨时,我冥思苦想想找到解决的办法。我想他们讲述很多道理。最后我发现他们的问题有一个共同点,即根源相同,因为他们的问题都是在结婚后出现的。尽管有少数例外,但是大多数人觉得一旦结婚就意味着生活结束了。

这个根源就是:无条件的爱变成有条件的。是的,你没看错。曾经无条件的爱在婚后变得有所期待。当你们相爱时,你不会要求任何事情,你是以人的形式存在的上帝,你会原谅对方所有的错误,你绝不会抱怨对方这样那样,你觉得哪怕是一点点小风都会伤害到对方,你花费大量时间想办法表达你的爱。但是结婚后你还会这样做吗?当你们相爱时,你只展现好的一面,是的,你会隐藏起其它的面孔假装一切都好。

但是一旦进入用婚姻缚起来的生活时,大多数人就开始觉得他们拥有高于对方的权利,他们想怎么样怎么样,而对方则需要被改造,并觉得这是理所当然的事情。

大多数男人在结婚前会花费整天的时间想法设法让对方高兴、更加贴近他们的心,而一旦结婚他们就会突然停止这么做。婚后他们开始觉得说“我的甜心”也许会让他们象个妻管严。对一些人来说,花时间和妻子在一起没什么用处并会因此失去朋友。他们通常会想:“不管我什么时候回家,反正会看到她,何必那么匆忙呢?”而恋爱时,他们绝不会考虑朋友或者他们伟大的友谊。他们希望妻子能够理解他们的一举一动并作出相应行动。这一希望一样不断增长,比如改造家人,让他们接受他的坏习惯……

而对于大多数女人来说,恋爱时她们会好好打扮自己,让自己看上去很美丽,而婚后她们会想:这还有什么必要呢,他是我的了,没必要再额外吸引他了。一旦成为妻子,她们就开始质疑丈夫的所有活动。我认识的大多数女人在结婚时都不准备给丈夫足够的个人空间。我不知道她们怕什么,或者只是想显示一下她们的新权利?她们开始期望丈夫只爱她一人,而不管他们的父母及其他人。她们觉得作为妻子对丈夫有更多的特权,在关于丈夫的事情上除了她别人都不可以做决定。

通常,对于双方来说,婚后他们的期望都太高而冲突会更多。当无条件的爱变成有条件时,爱情之路就结束了,而充满压力和仇恨的生活则开始了,也就是所谓的婚姻之路

如果你能够想想生活是美好的而生命短暂,那么你就不会浪费你的时间在那些无用的冲突和问题上了。爱情是一种伟大的可以持续一生的感觉,它会让你的生活更有意义。请不要把它踩在脚下,因为这世上没有任何东西可以与之匹敌。

 

 

0
上一篇 << 男人一生通常“痒”几回?      下一篇 >> 失落的亲密哪里找
  • 敏学文化 [2009-05-04 04:51:24 PM]

    我一直以为文字起源于父系氏族社会,现在我有些迷惑。我不懂得对“婚姻”的本意如何解释。爱情可以说是美好的,怎么以结婚就说是坟墓。难道都是“因为女人发昏吗?”张敏学

    回复 删除
  • 凤凰网友 [2009-05-06 06:46:13 PM]

    父系社会是在母姓社会中发展出来的,年代久远在加上父权为了巩固权利很多文字都丢失了,婚姻是二个人共同维护,女子发昏好像婚字可以这个看,但更多是婚前看清楚,婚后求原则性问题,其他枝节问题就不要教真的了。爱情婚姻有太多问题要解决,那就时间来证明爱情能否永恒吧。

    回复 删除
  • 凤凰网友 [2009-05-07 11:12:29 AM]

    写得好!

    回复 删除
  • IRI [2009-06-02 12:01:52 PM]

    我觉得你是对的,如果自己的心中能感觉和享受每一天美好瞬间,你就会有办法滋润你的生活爱情和家庭

    回复 删除
您还没有登录,请登录以后再发表评论。

关于博主

逸明

欢迎您来我的凤凰博客! 生命的活力,来自谛听自我的心声,生命的最高境界在于过好每一天,用感悟的心看世界,用智慧的眼发现生活的美,用文字求证人性的真善美。

博文相关